The Vancouver Scrum

On the move!

Agh! You’re still here? My new site and weblog, is now up and running; new posts are building up over there, never to be mirrored here. Go! What are you waiting for? All the stuff worth keeping has been migrated over to the new server, and I don’t anticipate making any more posts here.

Bloggers and webmasters: Update your links! Simply replace with in your blogrolls or bookmarks to point to the new site. Old posts will remain on this server for as long as the people at Blogger/Google allow them to remain; unfortunately, I’m not going to bother to come up with any way of converting permalinks on this blog to their corresponding posts on the new site. Yes, I plead laziness. I also realize the irony of switching away from Blogger just it starts to add features that the demanding blog nerds insist upon.

Thanks for reading and linking, and see you over at!

—Ian King, December 13, 2004

Monday, December 01, 2003


Google Search: worst blog in the world

Why am I not surprised that the number one Google result for worst blog in the world is, well, the worst blog in the world. For those of you not in on the joke, I'm talking about the supposedly spontaneous blog of Paul Martin, He Who Will Be Prime Minister Real Soon Now. Martin's blog has been update all of once sine he locked up an obscene number of delegates who voted in the Liberal Party's latest leader. Hell, there wasn't even a posting about how he enjoyed the Liberal coronation convention last month, nor anything about basking in the glow of imminent power or anything equally cheesy. Oh yeah -- Martin's postings, if he actually reviews them before they go up, are obviously phonier than hell. Enough reason for a lot of other blogs to dub the dishonorific on the PM-to-be. One more claim to fame for the guy who will be my Prime Minister in less than two days. We at the Scrum will now script the inevitable, well, scrum...

HACK #1: Prime Minister, are you aware that your web log is the first result that one finds when typing 'worst blog in the world' into Google?

PM PM: My what? Into what?

HACK #1: Your web log, or blog, Mr. Martin. It's that web page that your campaign set up in order to make you seem more hip, techno-literate, and with it.

PM PM: Oh, that! What was that other thing that you were talking about -- Goombah?

HACK #2: Google, Prime Minister. It's by far the most popular search engine on the web. People type words and terms that they want to find on the Internet, and it responds with a list of pages. In your care, when people look for the worst blog in the world, the first thing that they see is your site.

PM PM: What the fuck?!?? How do I get this googol to change this? ROBINSON! Get yer ass over here, pronto!

HACK #2: You can't. Google bases its page rankings on links to your site. Seems that a lot of people writing about lousy weblogs are using yours as an example.

PM PM: ROBINSON! Can we pass a law against this crap?

MIKE ROBINSON, TRUSTED ADVISOR TO PAUL MARTIN: No, sir, they're in the United States.

PM PM: Can we pay them to change the rankings?


HACK #1: Sorry, Mr. Martin. Google is rumoured to be valued at $15-billion in their upcoming IPO, and people trust Google because you can't buy your way to the top of the rankings -- or out of them, for that matter. If they band for you, their business goes down the tubes. So what are you going to do about it?

PM PM: Robinson! Get one of those little shits that we suckered into selling memberships to those college kids to start tapping up whatever my views are supposed to be today! Get them on it, now!

HACK #3: Sir, do you regard your campaign workers as 'little shits?'

HACK #2: Prime Minister, did your workers even consult with you about what was to be put on your web log?

PM PM: Oh, crap.

HACK #4: Mr. Martin, are you indeed admitting that your online musings are in fact not those of your own? Do you even know what was posted on your site?

PM PM: I have a meeting to get to.

(Prime Minister runs up steps, begins panting heavily, forced to pause.)

HACK #3: Looks like you should have spent more time on the Stairmaster, PM PM!

PM PM: (wheeze...)

(No journalists, politicians, or political advisors were harmed in the making of this posting. Any resemblance to the way things unfold, if they ever do, would be mildly amusing.)
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